Saying yes when others say no, and the fear of heartbreak

Saying Yes

I remember it well, the moment when I sat down with my parents, sharing with them that I’d made the decision to move to Hong Kong with my then partner of 6 years, and today husband.

It wasn’t received well. My father, who is a man of few words, decided to share his mind and heart with me and he disapproved of my decision, which was rather rare in our relationship. His words were something along the line of: “So are you one of these women, who just follows their partners wherever work takes them? What about you?”

You can imagine, as someone deeply immersed at the time in women’s empowerment, this didn’t go down well. See, I never saw myself as the victim, the one following. I knew if I said Yes to Hong Kong, it wasn’t to please my husband, or avoid uncomfortable conversations, but rather it was a YES to the positive potential this move could mean for our relationship.

You need to know that the year leading up to this relocation was our toughest year yet. After a dramatic exit from Rio de Janeiro, where we lived before, we were struggling. My husband was suffering. Alcohol was messing up his life more and more, and with that our relationship.

Hong Kong would have never been a city I would have chosen to live in, but when the opportunity presented itself, I saw both the potential for stability, healing and transformation, as well as further heartbreak and chaos.

I looked the fear in the eye, while honouring the longing to heal and grow as individuals, and as a couple.

I kept checking in with myself frequently to see how I was doing. Was I growing, was I learning, was there joy? How was my mental and emotional state? How was my body? I knew I was strong enough to weather whatever would come. After burning out 9 years before, I had learned how to take care of my wellbeing. Plus, I had amazing women around me that I could call up when I needed support.

All of this, led me to say Yes, with somewhat shaky legs. However, it felt the right thing to do.

And you know what happened?

My partner hit rock-bottom and realized that after trying everything else, it was time to give up alcohol all together. Soon after that, we got married. We began a new chapter of our life together and he began a journey of recovery and transformation. He is coming up to 5 years sobriety soon.

Moral of the story? The thing I feared and longed for most, chaos and transformation, they both happened – but I knew in my heart that I could be with it all.

Honour your choices

You, (or anyone else) going through a similar situation, could have felt called to choose a different path after journeying inwards – and you should honour that.

There is no one size fits all formula when it comes to living life. We all have to find what’s true to us. My preferred way to truth, is to look within.

The formula I apply when I’m experiencing big decisions in life, or when I am taking that first step towards change and transformation is this:

  • I journey inwards.
  • I honour the longing of my heart.
  • I acknowledge any fear arising, but I do not let it overrule.
  • I visualise and embody the desired outcome.
  • From there the next step becomes apparent.
  • I take that step.
  • I try to let go of the exact outcome and surrender to life’s current.

Sometimes, I do some research or listen to inspiring stories from others. At times I share my heart with trusted people, then I journey inwards and let things develop from there.

This approach to life may not be for everyone, but one of the major motivations for me to become a Soul-based Life Coach was that I could accompany other Rebel Heart Women like me, through challenging times and transitions from a compassionate but neutral place.

We have to walk our path

I know even though is seemed my father disapproved of my decision to move, he only wanted me to be safe. He also wanted me to live close by. He loves me and only wants the best for me. He certainly didn’t want to see me suffer or make a terrible mistake.

It’s understandable. It’s often the hardest to stay neutral with those we love and to hold the space while they try to find the best way forward for themselves. We can get mixed up with our own self-interest or our story of what worked for us in the past, which may not work at all for our loved ones.

As a Soul-based Life Coach, I’m trained to skillfully guide you through this vulnerable time of transforming and becoming.

I will hold that space for you. Honouring and providing this to other women who desire the same approach to life, is deeply fulfilling to me, which is why I have created a Free Online Event where you can Unfurl Your Heart and Awaken Your Knowing Within.

FREE ONLINE EVENT – 21st November 2020

08am UTC / 09am CET / 4pm HKT / 7pm AUS

If you currently feel stuck or are navigating a big life decision, join me.

You will leave this Free Online Event connected and with new clarity on what next step to take in your journey of transformation.

From my journey to yours,

Corinne, x